Friday, April 20, 2012

So Far

I've been keeping my promise to myself. I worked out last night to the Sweat 1-2 video (we're having some fun!) and I am somewhat sore, but not a lot. Tonight I am going to do the Sculpt 1-2 video again. I am having some issues with the ab workout, mostly because I don't know if I am doing it right or not. My lower back doesn't hurt, but neither do my abs. Regardless, that was day 2/3.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Best Revenge....

I've been going through a tough time here lately. There is a lot of things going on, both personally and professionally, that leave me feeling useless and depressed at the end of the day. Family issues, health issues, friend issues, work issues, school issues, all leave me drained. 

Recently, I had one of the toughest breaks so far. My friends and coworkers that know me well know that I  am a rule follower because they are there for a reason. I have also been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve and that I need to have more confidence and increase my self esteem. I will be the first to admit that my self esteem has been torn to shreds on various occasions by various people. 

Then I realized something, I have to stop trying to let other people make me happy, and have to make myself happy. I know to some of you this might be common knowledge, but its harder to put things into motion to actually make it work. At least for me. So I sat down and made a list of things that would make me happy. Here goes:

1. I want to get in shape: this will resolve many health issues, including the insomnia (because I'll be tired, so I'll sleep better), the stress and depression (because I'll be too tired to care, and because if I look better I won't have to complain about my looks), the cholesterol and pre-diabetic-ness (because what I eat won't be clogging my arteries and my insulin will hopefully kick in). It will also improve my self esteem, hopefully. 
2. I want to advance at work, because I hate being stagnant, and once my work loses its appeal I start getting bored and start getting the newness-itch (the urge to try something new). 
3. I want to finish school: now this one is within reach, so long as my teachers don't screw me over this semester. At this point I don't think I even care about keeping a perfect GPA, I just want it to be OVER. I have considered doing a Master's, but that's going to have to wait at least till...
4. I want to pay off my car and my credit cards, to free up money for other things, like travel and possibly a Master's. This is hopefully on the horizon as well. 
5. I want to go home to see my family. For those of you that don't know, my motherland is Southern Mexico. 
6. I want to be a better friend to those I have. This is an on-going awareness that I've had for awhile, and I've been working on it.
7. I want to be in a happy, stable relationship, because my friend and I calculated it and its been way, WAY too long that I've been single. 

So with this list created, I've started working on things. Last night I went home and did Sculpt 1-2 from the Power 90 system. I rode my bike to work today, and I have to ride it home in a few hours. I also will probably do the Sweat 1-2 from the Power 90 system this afternoon. Or I might take Hachi for a walk.
I've also started doing portion control, and eating somewhat healthier. I know that they say that you're supposed to eat 5-6 times a day, but I just can't do it. So I eat two to three times a day, in moderation. 

Except for spaghetti at Nick's. You don't get between me and my spaghetti. 

Part of the reason for this intense self-evalutation is the disintegration of a friendship that was dear to me. This particular incident left me feeling low and unwanted. It's been a few days, and I haven't had to speak to this person other than in professional situations, nor has this person inquired into my sudden coolness. This to me demonstrates that I was held in very little regard, and in turn made me realize that I am only worth the value I place in myself. So I plan to make it really hard to get hurt again. I am not the enemy, I am just someone tired of being used. If you get to know me, you might find deep inside my little black, ice-covered heart that I am indeed a good person; I can be extremely generous when I feel like it; I am there when you need me; and I am a good listener. I know there's got to be other good qualities in there somewhere, but I'll leave those for you to find out.