Well, Damn.

It's been awhile since I posted last, and needless to say things have not gone well. I've had some more personal issues, as well as the loss of someone I cared for. It has made me somewhat apathetic. At this point I'm just tired, and could really use some help.

Advice Welcome.

So Far

I've been keeping my promise to myself. I worked out last night to the Sweat 1-2 video (we're having some fun!) and I am somewhat sore, but not a lot. Tonight I am going to do the Sculpt 1-2 video again. I am having some issues with the ab workout, mostly because I don't know if I am doing it right or not. My lower back doesn't hurt, but neither do my abs. Regardless, that was day 2/3.

The Best Revenge....

I've been going through a tough time here lately. There is a lot of things going on, both personally and professionally, that leave me feeling useless and depressed at the end of the day. Family issues, health issues, friend issues, work issues, school issues, all leave me drained. 

Recently, I had one of the toughest breaks so far. My friends and coworkers that know me well know that I  am a rule follower because they are there for a reason. I have also been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve and that I need to have more confidence and increase my self esteem. I will be the first to admit that my self esteem has been torn to shreds on various occasions by various people. 

Then I realized something, I have to stop trying to let other people make me happy, and have to make myself happy. I know to some of you this might be common knowledge, but its harder to put things into motion to actually make it work. At least for me. So I sat down and made a list of things that would make me happy. Here goes:

1. I want to get in shape: this will resolve many health issues, including the insomnia (because I'll be tired, so I'll sleep better), the stress and depression (because I'll be too tired to care, and because if I look better I won't have to complain about my looks), the cholesterol and pre-diabetic-ness (because what I eat won't be clogging my arteries and my insulin will hopefully kick in). It will also improve my self esteem, hopefully. 

2. I want to advance at work, because I hate being stagnant, and once my work loses its appeal I start getting bored and start getting the newness-itch (the urge to try something new). 

3. I want to finish school: now this one is within reach, so long as my teachers don't screw me over this semester. At this point I don't think I even care about keeping a perfect GPA, I just want it to be OVER. I have considered doing a Master's, but that's going to have to wait at least till...

4. I want to pay off my car and my credit cards, to free up money for other things, like travel and possibly a Master's. This is hopefully on the horizon as well. 

5. I want to go home to see my family. For those of you that don't know, my motherland is Southern Mexico. 

6. I want to be a better friend to those I have. This is an on-going awareness that I've had for awhile, and I've been working on it.

7. I want to be in a happy, stable relationship, because my friend and I calculated it and its been way, WAY too long that I've been single. 

So with this list created, I've started working on things. Last night I went home and did Sculpt 1-2 from the Power 90 system. I rode my bike to work today, and I have to ride it home in a few hours. I also will probably do the Sweat 1-2 from the Power 90 system this afternoon. Or I might take Hachi for a walk.

I've also started doing portion control, and eating somewhat healthier. I know that they say that you're supposed to eat 5-6 times a day, but I just can't do it. So I eat two to three times a day, in moderation. 

Except for spaghetti at Nick's. You don't get between me and my spaghetti. 

Part of the reason for this intense self-evalutation is the disintegration of a friendship that was dear to me. This particular incident left me feeling low and unwanted. It's been a few days, and I haven't had to speak to this person other than in professional situations, nor has this person inquired into my sudden coolness. This to me demonstrates that I was held in very little regard, and in turn made me realize that I am only worth the value I place in myself. So I plan to make it really hard to get hurt again. I am not the enemy, I am just someone tired of being used. If you get to know me, you might find deep inside my little black, ice-covered heart that I am indeed a good person; I can be extremely generous when I feel like it; I am there when you need me; and I am a good listener. I know there's got to be other good qualities in there somewhere, but I'll leave those for you to find out. 

Ughhhh....

I haven't been a good girl lately. I have been lax about working out and my eating habits haven't changed much. In regards to the Juicing/Jillian Michaels, it didn't work out. Our schedules didn't mesh well enough to stand up to a work out routine. I'm supposed to have started doing the P90X again, but it's also not consistent enough to keep me engaged. 

A friend of mine has been working out consistently for a project that she has coming up. She kept up photos on her fb page so that people could see her working out and see her progress. She changed her diet, gave up alot of stuff, but the results are beyond *effen* amazing. I talked to her today and told her that the only thing really holding me back is lack of motivation. And she said the most mind boggling, puzzling thing: That's all on you. I thought about it for a minute, and hot damn if I didn't agree. 

So, I got up off the couch and away from the computer. I grabbed my Zune, Hachi (my dog), and my keys and headed out the door. We took a 20 minute walk, which with Hachi is a long walk because she hates the leash and she's not socialized with other dogs. It was a constant battle of wills. When we got back I decided it wasn't enough, so I aired up my road bike (the one with the crappy gears) and went for a ride. Am I out of shape? Yes, definitely, but the ride that previously would have had me gasping for air and sprawled on my living room floor didn't really tire me out this time around. It's progress.

I'm going to jump back into the P90X and this time if there's no one there to join me, it's their loss. I am determined to A) get back in shape and B) get my health back up to where it needs to be. Oh yes, I was told after blood work with my doctor that I am pre-diabetic and have high cholesterol. I have now purchased a juicer and cook more at home. I'm hoping to embark on a healthier lifestyle. 

I know this means a lot of changes, and hopefully I'll be able to adapt and stick with it. Only time will tell. 

Day Five

Today is day five, and we'll see how it turns out. I caved this morning and had a sandwich for breakfast, but I didn't have soda. I got some orange juice instead. That is pretty much all I've had to eat today. We are supposed to be working out later today, but I don't like being sweaty at work, so I might do it by myself this evening. We'll see how it turns out.

There's not much to report. I haven't done a weigh in this week, but I am fairly sure that I haven't lost anything, on the bright side, I haven't gained anything either. :)

Day Three/Four

So day three was a bust, we shall call it the first cheat day of the cycle. Spazz and I were both sore from the previous day, not so much the workout as the having to haul around the stuff for the inventory. Needless to say, we didn't work out yesterday. I spent most of the day at home, which also means that my food intake wasn't great.

Today's gotten off to a better start. We are planning to work out this evening, taking advantage of those last few evenings before school starts back up. For breakfast I had a new fruit juice, plus two hard boiled eggs and a banana. For a mid morning snack I will have some cereal.

Today's juice recipe:

Two Fuji Apples
Two Oranges
1/2 Lemon
Two slices of Pineapple

**UPDATE**

We did indeed work out yesterday night, and for dinner we had another fruit blend, this time with kale added in.
The soreness isn't as bad as it was two days ago.

Day Two

Today started off much better. Spazz Monkey and I met up at 7:30am. We solved the problem of the faulty DVD player by playing the DVD on my laptop....smaller image, but then who really needs a full sized Jillian Michaels yelling at them that early in the morning? We got thru the workout, and I can tell I will be sore tomorrow. For those of you that don't know, the 30 day shred is a program that consists of three 20-minute individual workouts (levels one, two and three). Each workout is a two minute warmup, and then three sets of 3-2-1 (three minutes of strength training, two minutes of cardio, and one minute of abs) followed by a one minute cool down.  Have I mentioned my cardio skills are null?

As for the juice, this morning we had a fruit blend rather than the Mean Green. It was much tastier, bordering on delicious. It had three fiji apples, two oranges, and half a lemon. I am also having a banana right now. At approximately 11am, I have been instructed that I am allowed to have some cereal, in an effort to boost my metabolism. This is going to sound horrible, but I wonder if I can have WingStop for lunch...

Anyways, overall I would say that day two was successful.

**UPDATE**
I ended up not having WingStop for lunch. I instead had broccoli cheese soup and one half of a croissant sandwich from Jason's deli.  Then as punishment, MamaBear had me go with her to pick up the market order from Sam's, and I got to work out all over again... who knew snack food and 11 flats of water weighed that much???